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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments can become “really delusional”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically followed by a “sudden low”, where he feels sensitive and ashamed about his behavior, rendering him particularly vulnerable to criticism from others. He began to think he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors online – and subsequently evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment if he hadn’t already reached that understanding personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – especially if they feel a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Although people have been identified with narcissism for decades, definitions vary what the term implies the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, noting the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people conceal it, because of widespread prejudice associated with the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through actions such as displaying material goods,” the professor clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Gender Differences in The Disorder

Although three-quarters of people identified as having narcissistic personality disorder are men, studies suggests this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is typically appears in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, as with everything in society,” notes a young adult who posts about her co-occurring conditions on online channels. It is not uncommon, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and not being accepted,” she explains, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I either go into defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this response – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been working to manage it and take advice from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her current boyfriend “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples as a child. “I’ve been learning over the years the difference between suitable or harmful to say during a fight because I never had that as a kid,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my family members were insulting me during my childhood.”

Origins of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The adult shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships ever worked out. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with mood stability. She is “very supportive of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a therapist for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for therapeutic sessions through national services (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: The estimate was it is likely to occur in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a handful of people about his mental health status, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has embraced the diagnosis. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is positive,” he explains. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the diagnosis. But the existence of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number